You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
