Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
