Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize