Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
