His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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