I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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