Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
