Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
