i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
