I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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