He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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