Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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