i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
