i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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