i need an iv and a liver transplant
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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