You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
