Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize