no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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