Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
