Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
