Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
