got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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