remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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