Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize