I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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