i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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