careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
