WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
