Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
