I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
