sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
