for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
