What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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