How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
