she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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