she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
