I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
