Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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