OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
