He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the condom got lost in my hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
