I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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