they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
