I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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