im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize