I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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