sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
