dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
