I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
