Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
