The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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