Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
