if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
