i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
