yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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