I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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