you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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