New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
