Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
