i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
this just has baby written all over it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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