I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
