The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
