ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
