It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
