I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
