Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
