How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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