I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
