how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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