I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
