All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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