I am spending my child support on dildos
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
