that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
