Dual....:-)
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
People in love make me want to vomit
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
