Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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