my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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