six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize