Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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