kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
