i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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