If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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