Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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