Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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