He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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