please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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