He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This toilet bowl is my home.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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