but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
