wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
