I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
