I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize