No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
